Dance with my Father

I just got home from a retreat, which is entitled "Princess Diaries". It is about knowing your worth as a woman in God's eyes. 

The first talk has not started yet when God started to romance me. He asked if I missed Him and I did not answer but he was persistent. He then asked like a jealous lover, "Why won't you admit that you missed me?" 

I then blurted out, "Because I am ashamed."

He asked again, "Why are you ashamed?"

I answered, "Because I am not enough for my family. I knew I can be more".

I became speechless with what He said next. "You are enough."

Truly all throughout the entire retreat, that was the message not only for me but for the other sisters as well.

To give you a background, I was bullied ever since I was in grade school. I went to a private school and my parents were just government employees so I do not have the things that my well-off classmates have. I was called names. My mom who often consoled me told me that do not believe them but I never heard from her that I am beautiful. When my sister heard from our fellow students from the school bus and when I told mom about it, she also called me a horse. I wanted to join the dance troupe but my classmates said that they do not want to be groupmates with me so I ended up joining both glee club and the school organ. Moving to a public school in high school did not change the situation either. My classmate who was my friend before even bought a put-on mask of a horse just to taunt me. Until now, my family still managed to make me feel unpretty as TLC puts it. I only started to recognize my beauty just recently and I realized that I am not yet healed because I still try too hard to please my family and others as well.

"You are a princess because God is Your father, the King".

I never realized that. I felt special when my dad is around. He was the one who would often fetch me and send me off. I even remembered dancing with him, stepping on his feet while he carried me to dance to the rhythm when I was smaller. I still miss him even though it's been years since he died.

According to the talk, our core desires as a woman is to be romanced, to play an irreplaceable role in a shared adventure and to have our beauty unveiled. 

I secretly prayed recently to be serenaded because it makes me feel important and beautiful. During the reflection for the talk where these desires were discussed, I was given a vision.

Everything around me was dark. When suddenly as the speaker played the reflection song (which according to her is God's song to us) "Beautiful in my Eyes", I was suddenly transported to a huge ballroom with a grand orchestra. I was standing on a grand staircase and my clothes changed to a white chiffon gown. My hair is held up to a bun with a matching tiara. God was leading me down to the staircase. He asked me to dance with Him. Then He started speaking, "It has been seven years. Will you continue to dance with me until the person I chose for you cuts in?"

I was crying. He continued to whisper the other times He was trying to woo me. The sunrise and sunsets that He makes me see because He knows I love them. The times He asked me to look up the sky because either it's a full moon or it's pitch black and only the stars lit up the sky. (Yeah, I'm a hopeless romantic and I'm proud of it!) The songs I wanted to hear and suddenly it plays on the radio as if on cue. It's hard to enumerate all.

I am so overwhelmed because I did not expect this surprise. I was teary-eyed as I type this down. No earthly lover can do this and of all people, it's me He chose. I was speechless and all I can do is give God a nod. I never felt so beautiful.

During the healing portion, the speaker led us again to a reflection which included a dance with God. I was led to the same ballroom and we were swaying to the music, locked in each other's embrace. I let everything out. I told Him I missed Him and that I was sorry for believing the lies that others told me about myself. He asked me to look up and I saw my dad. The tears started flowing again because I really missed him, especially dancing with him. We continued dancing until I felt him gone and I was in God's arms again.

The woman is the Crown of God's creation.

To give us a feel that we are really princess, the service team for the retreat did a crowning ceremony. We honored each other and said these words, "You are captivating. You are God's princess."

I know for sure that I will still get hurt, I will feel unpretty, unworthy. I just have to look at my tiara or imagine one on my head so I can be led again to this wonderful memory.

If you are a woman reading this, remember you are captivating and you are God's princess.